Thoughts on RYANAIR: my last flight

I will not miss waiting in a 30 minute long line in the Madrid airport to get a small stamp and pen mark on my boarding pass (which I printed at home or else pay 40 euros to pick up your ticket at the airport!) only because I do not carry an EU passport, then hurrying to go through the security line and then rushing to my gate...only to realize that, naturally, everybody is just waiting in line and they gates have not yet opened so “chill out, Kelsey,” because you still have another 20 minutes of waiting in line.

I will not miss trying to shove my backpack into the blue metal cage that serves as a size measurement for hand-luggage, hot and sweaty because I am wearing a warm sweater, scarf, jacket, and two pairs of pants so avoid packing them, and in anticipation of the cold weather I am about to experience. Frustrated because I only just finished repacking my backpack for the security line fifteen minutes earlier, I pull out another sweatshirt and put it on because I see that on this flight they are actually checking bag sizes this flight. I always cross my fingers that a laid-back attendant will be at the gate check, letting us all go through without hassle. Because let’s be honest; if you weighed my bag it would be overweight, and it probably wouldn’t effortlessly fit into the bin. And yet: I can still easily manage to fit it into the overhead bin because as soon as I am past the gate check I pull my purse and computer out of my bag to use it during the flight. I have had to pay the 40 euro bag check fee once, coming home from the Canary Islands (ironic, I know, because you would think that on an island vacation I would have the least amount of clothing), and let me tell you: I was fuming having to pay up.

I will not miss the bright yellow, plastic safety instructions that are on the backs of every seat, or the yellow and blue color scheme of the uniforms each stewardess wears. Yellow is just so...cheap looking. And not very appealing. Why couldn’t they chose a color like beige, or tan, or a light red? Well, at least it’s not as bad as the bright orange color scheme that easyjet uses.

I will not miss the voice on the intercom of the overly excited Irish woman welcoming you on board, reminding you kindly that drinks and refreshments are available, for only a few euros! And of course, please hurry up and put your things in the overhead bin and find your seats. The worst, though, is landing; whenever a flight arrives on time, a cheesy tune of horns blasting rings out, and the Irish voice announces: "You arrived in yet another on time flight! Last year, Ryanair was the most on time a “Welcome! You have arrived on yet another on time flight. Last year over 90% of Ryanair flights landed on time, beating every other European airline.”  Everyone on board just rolls their eyes and says “yea, right.”

I will not miss the feeling of confusion when landing in a new country, looking out the window at the landscape below and wondering to myself, “I thought Paris/Stockholm/Munich was a big city? Where is the city?” and then realizing that, in fact, Munich-West is really the city of Memminham, about 2 hours away from Munich, and Stockholm-Skasva is really an hour and a half bus ride from the city, much closer to the small down of Nyping. “Here ya go, here, take my money! Just take it! I don’t even need it!” is what I feel like crying out sometimes as I fork over another 20 euros to the bus company to take me into the city. Becuase of course there are no cheap trains or metros or bus systems far out in the countryside.

AND YET:  I will miss the wide availability of flights, the affordability, the adventure of traveling. Of course there are always other more accommodating airlines to fly, but really, only ryanair has flights going all across Europe and caters to poor, young travelers, like myself. I will not miss you, Ryanair, but without you where would I be? I will leave you with this; we have had our ups and downs this year, but at the end of it all, I came out alive, a better traveler because of it.  Without a doubt, you were the worst and best airlines I have ever flown with!