It is a "hedonistic debauched lifestyle"

I love interviewing people and asking them questions. I'm a pretty good listener, if you ask me.  If I could go back and do it again, I might have chosen to be a journalist, a writer, a filmmaker. But it's never too late, right?  Well, a few nights ago I brought out a small hand-held camera and went around asking people what their favorite part about Salamanca was, why they chose to study here, and how they would describe their experience so far.

My favorite response, and I think most honest response, was from my friend Rob, who teaches English classes at a local school.  He said we are living a "hedonistic debauched lifestyle." I had to look up what these words meant, and here is what I found (according to the dictionary on my Mac).

• Hedonistic (adj): the pursuit of pleasure; sensual self-indulgence.
• The ethical theory that pleasure (in the sense of the satisfaction of desires) is the highest good and proper aim of human life.
• Similar words: indulgent, pleasure-seeking, sybaritic, lotus-eating,epicurean, good-time; unrestrained, intemperate,immoderate, extravagant, decadent.
• Debauched (adj): indulging in or characterized by sensual pleasure to a degree percieved to be morally harmful; dissolute: a debauched lifestyle. 
• Similar words: dissolute,dissipated, degenerate, corrupt, depraved, sinful, unprincipled, immoral; lascivious, lecherous, lewd, lustful, libidinous, licentious, promiscuous, loose,wanton, abandoned; decadent, profligate,intemperate, sybaritic. ANTONYMS wholesome.

That we are living morally harmful lives of self-indulgence is a bit extreme.  But in a way, it's right on.  This year abroad is for me to learn Spanish; it is a year to travel and see Europe; it is a year to figure out what I want to do after I graduate from DU in a year.  That is hedonistic, if you ask me.  Completely selfish and self-fulfilling, I have stopped feeling "guilty" about not living a productive, hard-working lifestyle as I did back in Denver because I realize that --THIS IS TEMPORARY-- and soon enough this year will be like a dream, a memory, behind me.  And I am hard working in other ways, to be fair.  But I will leave here on May 18 and end this chapter in my life, and I will not have any regrets.  

That our experiences and our lives here are defined as "debauched" has a negative, critical connotation.  Sinful, corrupt, lewd: we are young, we are independent, we are free.  And man, we are living it up while we can.  We are all fighting to figure out who we are, what we want to be, where we want to go, how we want to live our one and precious life. So we make mistakes, we stay up too late, and do things we probably shouldn't do. We are self-destructive, but when we hit rock bottom that's when we figure out who we really are.  


So maybe it's a hedonistic debauched lifestyle, but I'm learning, I'm growing, I'm living, and I'm happy.

Paris with Lauren, November 2011

Who Am I?!

I am from Vermont.
I go to school in Denver.
I work in Michigan during the summer.
I am living in Spain.

Thanks to this, I have friends from Tokyo to Stockholm, Palestine to L.A., Alaska to Quito.  If you were to make a map connecting all the places where I have friends, and where they have friends, and where their friends have friends, I truly think we would all be connected.  

I read a statistic the other day that said there are more people on facebook than were alive 200 years ago.  How insane is that?!  We are truly a globalized world. 

With resources like facebook, Skype, gmail and tumblr, it is as though I never really say goodbye or leave any place behind.  For some reason, that really bothers me sometimes. Because I am never truly "here," it feels as though I am living in 4 or 5 places at once.  It's like this: I wake up, go to class, see my friends (who are from all over the states).  After lunch, I have an intercambio with my Spanish friends, Antonio and Carola.  Before dinner, I sign onto facebook, and chat with my friend Rachel, who is in Denver.  Bored, I go through tagged photos from my travels in South America, and get nostalgic, then chat with my friend Luca, who is studying in Canada, but is from Australia.  Before bed, I skype with an old high school friend whom I haven't seen in two years, but we talk regularly.  And tomorrow I will probably call my mom on gmail because we haven't spoken in a week or so.

So while, yes, I'm living in Spain, I'm also still living my "other lives" at the same time.  That is weird to me, thinking about it like that.  Life is simple, it is s-i-m-p-l-e, but it is so easy to feel overwhelmed as I look at all I've done and all I'm yet to accomplish.  I love technology, and as my Puerto Rican friend said last week, "internet is the greatest invention of all time."  Yet today I yearn for the simplicity, the challenge, of living abroad independent of all I have left behind.

Which is quite ironic, because here I am on google blogging about it.  *sigh*

I am trying to imagine a time when people abroad only communicated through hand-written letters, when photographs were developed and not "uploaded," when newspapers and radio were the main ways of communicating the news.  I am thankful for technology and (sadly enough) it is almost impossible to imagine my life without the internet.

So today, I spent 5 hours on my computer organizing and planning and writing and editing. I think now it is time to go outside (though it's raining!) and embrace the laid back Spanish lifestyle and do some people watching!

The saga continues...

Dinner tonight was just Felix (my host dad) and myself; quite relaxing with just the two of us.  As we enjoyed our fried fish and mixed-vegetable dinner, I asked him what his plans are for next week since Lindsey and I are both taking off for vacation.  "No sé, no sé..." he replied. I don't know, I don't know.  I nodded, and went back to eating.  I have all but given up speaking with him because despite having lived here for 6+ months, he still does not understand my Spanish.  I think he just doesn't have enough patience...I mean, I get it; he's had to put up with so many host students that it's any wonder he pretends to understand as I ramble on about my classes, homework assignments, and vacations.

It's quite frustrating, because I understand almost everything. This is not the point.

The point is, he went on to explain to me that while he would love to take a trip next week, he cannot.  "Dinero, siempre dinero," he said.  It's always the money.  There just isn't enough.  He's still unemployed, and not sure when he will find work again.  "I used to make walls," he said to me in Spanish, knocking his finger on the tile wall.  "I made walls, but nobody needs walls anymore."  He explained that housing crash, so many people lost their jobs.  I nodded along, understanding completely.  Having learned about the housing bubble in my economics class last semester, I memorized the data and and the theories, but experiencing it and seeing the crash is something much different.

Do I feel guilty? Yes, of course! How unfair is it that I come all the way here from the states, spending all my summer money on trips every month, and I go out for tapas at least once a week, and can splurge on the occasional shopping spree.  All MY money, granted.  Hard-earned money from a summer job I was lucky to have.  But I'm 21.  He's probably 42.  I don't think it is fair.  We read on the news about how Inaki Urdangarian, the son-in-law to the Spanish king, basically stole thousands of dollars from the government by avoiding taxes, and it is no wonder that Felix believes the man's hands should be cut off.  Whenever he says this, Montse (my host mom) rolls her eyes and tell him "shhh," because that will never happen.

But I feel his frustration.  It's not fair.  The man knows how to make walls.  He sits across from me at the dinner table almost every night wearing a worn out sea-green and sky blue wind jacket, circa 1995.  It's a simple life, but it is his life. Without anymore houses to build, he is SOL.  He's hopeful that in the next 5 years the economy will pick up and he will find work again.  Until then, it's afternoons of searching the web, walking the dog, and watching the news waiting for something to happen.

-Read more about Iñaki Urdangarian and how he was finally sentenced last month.

frustration!

I lost my phone this weekend while I was out on Friday evening, so I had to file a police report.  Not fun!  But what is most frustrating is my inability to clearly communicate the police report over the phone.  I tried speaking in Spanish, but confused, I gave up and asked for an English speaker. I felt embarrassed, frustrated, and stupid.  Why is it that after 6+ months of living here and learning Spanish, I can't hold a phone conversation! You would think I would be savvy enough to have a phone conversation in Spanish.  But nope; over the phone, it is nearly impossible! Without being able to watch a persons lips and body language and see their facial expressions, surprisingly, it is much harder to understand.

What was MOST frustrating, however, was the way I was treated over the phone by the Spanish police woman.  Rude, impatient, and demanding when she couldn't initially understand me, I felt so stupid.  After numerous failed attempts at trying to spell out my last name, I had to pass the phone to my ISA director and have him finish the conversation for me in Spanish.  How disappointing!

Even in restaurants and stores, costumer service is unheard of, a contrast from America where corporations pride themselves on serving the costumer first.  While I never-ever-ever want to leave this place....I am definitely excited to get back to the Land of "How Can I Help You?"

So happy Monday! While mind didn't start off as pleasantly as I would have liked, it is Semana Santa (Easter week) and I can't wait to see the parades! More on that to come.