One day at a time

The past few days I have I felt like I have been riding a roller coaster of emotions.  

It started with saying goodbye to Lauren in Barcelona one Tuesday night, and knowing that I am not going to see her and most of my DU friends made me feel so sad, and so alone!  I am making friends here. But seeing everyone talk on facebook about how EXCITED they are to go back to DU is hard sometimes.

And this morning, incredibly jealous of everybody who gets to go back home for Christmas, I was overcome with nostalgia for my childhood and I JUST WANT TO GO HOME for the holidays!!!  But I'm not. I anticipated feeling this way, but it doesn't make it any easier.

No to mention that it's finals week, and I skipped classes all last week to travel.  So am I stressed? Yes.  Should I have taken an hour to pause and write this post? Probably not.  But it helps me sort my thoughts.

What I need to keep reminding myself is to Take It One Day at a Time: I can do this!

I am here because I want to be here.  I am staying here not because I want to prove myself to anybody.  I am staying here for a year because I want to prove to myself that I CAN DO IT!  Does that make any sense? Living abroad for a year is something I have always wanted to do.  It's a goal, and I want to accomplish it.  

Keeping me here is my desire to learn Spanish and master the language; the excitement at visiting new cities across Europe; the challenge of living in a culture foreign to my own.

But by the end of this long, emotional day, I had fallen in love with Spain all over again.  Tonight there was a Barcelona-Madrid game in Madrid, and anybody who was anybody was at a bar or café tuning in to root for their favorite team.  Being so close to Madrid, most people here rooted for Real Madrid, so when Barcelona won tonight, the few Barcelona fans there were went absolutely crazy! If anything, it was a cultural experience.  The game didn't start until 10 pm, but that didn't stop families from bringing their children out with them, so as the adults drank their beers and watched the game, kids played in the corner.  

Even though Real Madrid lost, it was so much fun coming together with friends at one of our favorite bars and watching a futbol game.  Afterwards, over dessert with a couple girlfriends, I listened to them say that they couldn't believe they were going home in 5 days.  This has been the fastest semester of their lives!  Even though sometimes I get nervous about being away from the states for so long, I couldn't imagine going home and saying goodbye to Spain in a few days.  

So despite feeling sad, frustrated, and mad these past few days, at the end of the day, I am SO EXCITED to see what second semester will bring!  

This is what I'll miss most: picking out a Christmas tree!